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MY PHILOSOPHY OR BELIEF ABOUT THERAPY Therapy, to me, is a compassionate space for healing and self-discovery. I believe in a trauma-informed, collaborative approach that empowers clients to reconnect with themselves, understand their patterns, and build resilience. Healing …
Boundaries in Relationships: Love Without Losing Yourself

Boundaries in Relationships: Love Without Losing Yourself

Published 17 Sep 2025

For a long time, I thought love meant closeness — answering every call, being endlessly available, giving without pause. I believed that being a “good” partner or friend meant saying yes, understanding always, and never needing too much in return.

But over time, I began to notice a quiet truth beneath the surface: the more I tried to be everything for others, the further I drifted from myself. I wasn’t unloving; I was unanchored.

How I Learned What Love Without Boundaries Can Do

I remember times when I said “yes” even though every part of me wanted to say “no.” Times when I absorbed someone else’s pain as if it were my own. Times when silence felt safer than honesty.

It came from a good place — from wanting to be kind, supportive, available. But underneath it all was fear. Fear that setting limits would make me unlovable. Fear that space meant distance. Fear that if I chose myself, I’d lose the connection.

In truth, I was confusing love with merging.

The Turning Point

It took therapy — both as a client and as a therapist — to understand that boundaries aren’t about separation; they’re about safety. Not just safety from others, but safety with ourselves.

I began to notice how my body would tense when I ignored my limits, how my chest would tighten when I agreed to something I didn’t have space for. The exhaustion that followed wasn’t just physical; it was emotional depletion — the cost of abandoning myself to maintain closeness.

Over time, I realized:

Love without boundaries isn’t love — it’s overextension. Real love doesn’t require self-erasure.

What Healthy Connection Feels Like

The most transformative relationships I’ve known — both personal and therapeutic — are the ones where both people have room to exist fully. Where honesty doesn’t threaten the bond, and space doesn’t mean rejection.

Healthy connection feels like exhaling.
- It’s when “no” is received with understanding, not withdrawal.
- It’s when both people can take responsibility for their emotions instead of carrying each other’s entirely.
- It’s when presence feels chosen, not obligated.

In those moments, love becomes something deeper — rooted not in need, but in respect.

What Boundaries Have Taught Me

Boundaries have taught me that:

  • Saying “no” can be an act of care, not cruelty.
  • Distance can deepen connection when it’s rooted in honesty.
  • Respecting my limits allows me to show up more fully when I am present.
  • The right people won’t be scared of your boundaries — they’ll feel safer because of them.

Most importantly, boundaries have taught me that loving others well begins with loving myself enough to stay whole in the process

A Closing Reflection

These days, I no longer see boundaries as lines that divide. I see them as the structure that allows love to stand.

Because love isn’t meant to consume you — it’s meant to expand you.

And when you learn to hold both connection and self-respect in the same breath, love becomes what it was always meant to be: a place where two people can meet, not merge.